Old tricks in kink dress
Avoiding scams.
How to spot and dodge scams on BDSM sites: fake profiles, money asks dressed as tributes, blackmail traps, and the one rule that stops them. 18+.
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The costume and the con
Scams on kink sites
Wherever people look for connection, scammers turn up too - and kink sites get their share. The cons here come dressed in BDSM language: a "findom tribute", a "Mistress" after a deposit, a sudden crisis. Peel off the costume and they are the same tired tricks underneath. A single rule handles very nearly all of them, and it is short - never wire money to anyone you met online.
What they look like
The common cons
- The ask for money
- However it arrives - a fee to "show you mean it", a tribute, a deposit, travel costs, an out-of-the-blue emergency. Wrapped up as part of a dynamic, it is still a con. Real connections do not open with an invoice.
- The fake account
- Lifted photos, a story too neat to be true, a flat refusal to video-call. Often run in bulk. One quick video call, before you hand over anything - time or money - clears out most of these.
- The push off the site
- Pressure to jump onto private messaging or another app in a hurry, away from the site's protections. Go slowly; there is never a genuine reason to rush it.
- The blackmail trap
- Someone who presses for explicit photos or video early, then threatens to pass them around. Never send anything you could be held over to a person you have not come to trust.
Staying clear
The rules that stop them
- Never send money to anyone you met online. Not a fee, not a tribute, not a deposit, not an emergency. That single rule stops nearly every scam by itself.
- Distrust speed. Love-bombing, an instant "perfect match", urgent demands - pressure is the con artist's main tool, because time to think kills the con.
- Guard your identity and your pictures. Keep your full name, your workplace and anything you could be blackmailed over off the table until trust is genuinely earned.
- Report, block, and tell the site. Flagging a scammer protects whoever is next, and a real site wants to hear about it.
Keep reading
Go deeper
Common questions
Scams, answered.
Are there scammers on BDSM dating sites?
Yes, the same as on any dating site - and some dress their con in kink language, like a "findom tribute" or a "Mistress" wanting a deposit. The wrapping is new; the trick is not. The defences are the same as they are anywhere.
A woman calling herself a Mistress asked me for money. Is that a con?
On a dating site like this, where dynamics are personal and mutual, a stranger demanding money is a con - whatever the title attached. Paid professional arrangements are a different world and not what this site is for. Never send money to anyone you met here.
How can I tell a fake profile?
Photos that look too polished, a story that does not quite hang together, and a reluctance to video-call are the giveaways. A quick video call before you put in any time or money ends most fakes on the spot.
What if someone threatens to share my photos?
Do not pay - paying rarely ends it and flags you as a target. Cut contact, block them, keep the evidence, report them to the site, and if you feel at risk, to the police. The real defence is never sending anything you could be held over in the first place.
Meet the real ones
Skip the fakes.
Free to join, with free ID verification - so the New Yorkers you meet are far likelier to be real.
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