Dating around a fetish
Fetish dating, say it early.
Why naming your fetish upfront is the fastest route to the right people, how to do it on a profile, and where fetishists meet in New York. 18+.
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The golden rule
Say it early
Dating around a fetish has one golden rule, and it runs against instinct: say it early. The fear is that naming a fetish upfront scares people off. In practice the people it scares off were never going to share it, and the ones who stay are exactly who you were hoping for. On a site like this the fetish is not the awkward part - it is the whole point.
How to do it
Dating around a fetish
- Name it on the profile, not in a message.A fetish stated on the profile reads as confidence. The same thing slipped into a private message three days in reads as a confession. The profile is kinder.
- Be specific about what you want from it.To share it with a partner, to be indulged, to find someone who has it too. "Into feet" is a start; "looking for someone who shares a foot thing" is a match.
- Let it do the filtering.The right profile repels people who don't share your fetish and draws the ones who do. That is not a bug - it is the entire job.
- Keep the first meet ordinary.However much you have in common online, the first meeting is still coffee in public, sober, with a friend who knows where you are. The fetish waits for trust.
Where to meet people
Where they actually are
- On your profile first. People here are already looking for specific things - yours belongs right there with theirs.
- In the interests you tag. The join flow lets you mark what you are into; tagging honestly is how the right people find you.
- At fetish events, once you've met people. New York City has leather and fetish nights, and the bigger upstate cities have their own smaller scenes - easier to walk into when you already know a face.
Keep reading
Go deeper
Common questions
Fetish dating, answered.
Won't naming my fetish upfront scare people off?
It'll scare off the people who don't share it - which is the point. Everyone it repels was a dead end anyway, and the people who stay are the ones you wanted. You found them in one line.
What if my fetish is really niche?
The more niche it is, the more important it is to say - because the few who share it are searching for the exact word you're hiding. Spell it out and you become findable to precisely the right people.
Can I date someone who tolerates it but doesn't share it?
People do, and it can work if they're genuinely fine with it. But a partner who shares it is a different thing, and sites like this exist so you don't have to settle for tolerated.
Is it rude to ask about someone's fetish straight away?
If they've put it on their profile, it's fair game - respectfully. If they haven't, let them raise it. Reading what someone chose to share, and not pushing past it, is the whole etiquette.
When you are ready
Find someone who shares it.
Free to join. Name what you are into - that one line does the hardest part for you.
✦ Free to Join · Free ID Verification · 18+ Only ✦